Wednesday, May 30, 2012

What Will Grow


Part 2 of an enlightening essay about dating with disabilities for our current theme of What Will Grow

Dating in full costume: How disability impacts the development of a relationship?
By: Jon Bateman

...I had to accept the fact that I would have to be who I am and put in the effort of dating while simply hoping that a woman one day would make the choice to love me.

This was a hard realization because there was no quick fix and after reading studies that showed 70% of non-disabled people absolutely would not have sex with a person who had a disability[1], I wasn’t confident that my dating pool had many swimmers in it at all. Still, I tried not to let it affect my attitude toward others. At this point, I was 32 and growing increasingly more frustrated. I hated people who would say “one day it will just happen” or “as soon as you stop looking, love will come your way.” Nothing in my life had ever happened without an effort and I certainly couldn’t stop dating if I wanted a relationship so I just rolled my eyes and kept dating both in the online and offline realms.

Then on Jan. 5, 2009 everything changed for me. I had been chatting for just a couple of days with a woman named Lisa whom I had met via an online dating service. We spoke a great deal over a couple of days and even though I never disclosed my disability in my online dating profile, I was quick to explain my entire circumstance to her as we discussed the idea of meeting in person. Lisa didn’t seem to have any reservations about my disability and in fact seemed more intrigued with every detail I shared with her. This was new and while I wasn’t about to lay bets that she would be the one for me, I certainly was pleased that she had a genuine interest in giving me a chance. We talked and soon a first date was set for us to attend a Calgary Flames game together where we could watch my favorite team face off against the Chicago Blackhawks.

“When I became aware of Jon’s physical disability, I knew that I needed to see him as an entire person, as someone complex and different from anyone I had ever met. His confidence assured me that he was his own man and that he could do anything he wanted. I have never blamed or judged Jon for things he cannot change because that is futile and destructive in any relationship. Jon is sensitive, communicative, intelligent and supportive. What more could a girl ask for?” said Lisa.

In the beginning of our relationship, I was concerned that Lisa and I were going to have to have this marathon conversation about all of the impacts of my disability. I was concerned that we would have to analyze everything and hash it all out but the conversations to address my insecurity never had to happen and over time I simply realized that like me she just chose to accept and adapt to the situation as required. That’s what we did and so far it’s an approach that has worked really well for us.

Our first date was more than three years ago, and on Dec. 31, 2011 we made the commitment together to get engaged. It’s an exciting time for both of us and we look forward to planning our wedding as a couple. Looking back, I can see I certainly had reason to be worried about the impacts of my disability on my dating relationships and while I’d love to be able to say that there is a simple solution to the discrimination people with disabilities face, I simply cannot. However, I do believe that loving yourself is the most important part of being able to successfully seek a relationship. Realizing that you have tremendous skills, qualities and loveable traits to offer another person is vital because if you truly believe you are dateable than eventually someone will have to agree with you.

If you have a poem, or some prose (500 words or less) you'd like to share, even if it doesn't fit the theme, we'd love to see it. Send your submission to awcswriterscorner@gmail.com




Monday, May 28, 2012

What Will Grow

A poem submitted for our current theme of  What Will Grow

What Will Grow
By: Joanne Dippel

When a mother carries a new life inside her,
Most often, thankfully, it will grow.
Sometimes, though, for reasons that can't be right,
Things go way too wrong
A baby is never born.

For the parents, for the world
There is not rejoicing
There is sadness.
There is not richness
There is a void.

The void will always be there.

Soon though, life returns.
Caring is shown, arms are extended,
A mother is loved in new and touching ways.
Tears fall and there are angry exclamations, questions
But laughter rings out too and joy can be felt.

As time passes, a new perspective grows.
Having known more, a mother can feel more
And understand better those who have lost too.
Living more deeply, she will have more compassion
And life will be richer.

For reasons that are bad, in ways that are good,
A mother will grow
And because of her lost baby
The world will never be quite the same.


If you have a poem, or some prose (500 words or less) you'd like to share, even if it doesn't fit the theme, we'd love to see it. Send your submission to awcswriterscorner@gmail.com

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

What Will Grow

Part 1 of an enlightening essay about dating with disabilities for our current theme of What Will Grow

Dating in full costume: How disability impacts the development of a relationship?
By: Jon Bateman
www.jonbateman.ca
In the U.K., a television show has recently premiered under the exploitive eye of 2.9 million viewers called the Undateables. It markets itself as a dating show for people with disabilities and while some indicate the show has some educational aspects, the marketing of it serves to exploit the same awful stereotypes that plagued my dating life as I tried to find a meaningful relationship after being born with Spina Bifida.

From the time I was a teenager until I turned 32, I felt as though I was in a permanent Halloween costume as people continuously judged my “dateability” based on what they could see instead of looking at my personal characteristics and inner qualities.  I was perplexed and personally offended that other men my age could hide abusive behavior, alcoholism and sexist attitudes while my disability immediately excluded me as a dating prospect.  I saw myself as a successful person, a guy who had earned a degree in journalism and a diploma in social work, who was well read, likeable, athletic as a sledge hockey player and communicative with many valuable friends.

I had heard many of my friends with disabilities say that in their opinion a successful relationship could only be found among those who shared the experience of disability. I never accepted that point of view though, because to me a disability is an external experience. My disability is absolutely not who I am even though it has become an aspect of my life and I refused to believe that an external characteristic like having a broken spine should define the way in which I formed my relationships. This isn’t to say that I felt I would never date someone who had a disability, but rather that I wouldn’t date someone I didn’t feel both an emotional and physical attraction toward. I went on dates with a few women who had disabilities and felt that attraction but it wasn’t reciprocated so I simply moved forward.

Regardless, I was totally aware that having Spina Bifida and being just under five feet tall were certainly not traits that I could say were my best selling features, but I didn’t see those things to be any worse than any other negatively perceived male trait like baldness or poor table manners. We all have something, don’t we? Besides, I knew many women enjoyed my company and that the interactions I had with them were maddeningly close to what felt like a real dating relationship. While that was frustrating, I learned quickly that emotional intimacy and physical intimacy are two different things and that while both are essential; it’s the emotional intimacy that has the long-term staying power in any relationship.

I personally found emotional intimacy easy, but the physical intimacy was elusive because of the nature of my disability and the impact it had on the expectations women had about the relationships they would choose to develop. It wasn't until my mid to late 20's that I began to realize a relationship for me would not develop based on anything special that I did or did not do. Essentially, it wasn't my choice and in order for it to occur, I had to accept that the fact that I would have to be who I am and put in the effort of dating while simply hoping that a woman one day would make the choice to love me.


Next week: Part 2

Thursday, May 17, 2012

What Will Grow


Another wonderful poem for our current theme of What Will Grow


What will grow
By Telmo dos Santos

1.

What will grow is related
To what will not grow

So

The number of rows
On my forehead grows
As my skin is exposed
To the sun over time
But only if I am alive

If I am dead
There will be
No growing number 
Of lines

If I am dead
The number of maggots
Will amplify
Until there is nothing left
For them to feed on
Eventually their numbers
Will decline

And my corpse
Will be left alone

The spaces between my bones
Will grow as they separate
And come to their final
Resting place

Then the only thing
That will grow
Is the amount of time
Since I was last remembered


2.

What will grow
Will cease to grow

So

Everything
Degenerates

The newborn babe
Rapidly grows
Into a bent old man
Or woman

Perhaps there is
An oxygen tube and bottle
And a walker
Involved

The largest tree grows
Grows old
Stands for a time
In a dry withered sate
Eventually dies, falls
Rots, becomes mush
In the ground
Fertilizer for other things
To grow on

It was a mighty tree
Only briefly


3.

What will grow
Saddens me

So

The distance
Between us will grow
The time between
The times I revisit
Memories of us
Will grow

The difficulty
I have
Remembering
Will grow
The fog
Will thicken

My regrets will grow
My disappointments too
And my ailments
My pain, my suffering

My age
My loneliness
My silence
The spaces between

Nothingness

All of these things

Will grow


If you have a poem, or a piece of prose (500 words or less) you'd like to share, even if it doesn't fit the theme, we'd love to see it. Send your submission to awcswriterscorner@gmail.com

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Feedback & Critique

A three part series


Part 2: Writing Groups -- a bunch of enablers

If you’ve been writing for a while, and you write regularly, your undiscovered oeuvre could be sizeable. Likely, you have a hard drive full of short stories in various stages of draft work. Then there’s the Big Project you’ve been working on for a long time: short story collection, novel, prison memoir. The point is, you’ve got a lot of stuff, you’re steadily producing more, and you have an ongoing need for feedback.

If you’re looking for real critique – detailed comments, suggestions, observations, questions and ideas – your fellow writers are a great resource. Many writers are part of a writing group. Some meet in person, some online, some are more social, while others are completely writing-focused.

Ideally, the group will analyze, capture, and effectively communicate, the strengths and weaknesses of your writing. A stimulating discussion will ensue and you walk away with a new perspective, inspired to write your best draft yet.

To benefit from a writing group, you have to ask yourself some questions. Are you comfortable being critiqued in front of a crowd? Do you want a praise sandwich or do you prefer the bad news straight up? Would you rather work with writers in the same genre as you, or are you interested in a literary writer’s perspective on your Lovecraftian splatterpunk romance? There’s also the issue of commitment. Can you regularly attend meetings and turn in a thoughtful critique of another person’s work?

Many of us have heard horror stories: groups that are too harsh, too sweet, too disorganized, too rigid, damaging video etc.  It comes down to a good fit. Knowing what you want and what you can commit will go a long way toward finding the group that’s right for you.

So how do you find a writing group? Take some classes, attend readings and get to know your fellow writers. Check out free fall fridays or the prose critique group at AWCS. On the digital front, Google is your friend. Sound the depths of your social media. Turn over some virtual rocks and you’re sure to find clusters of writerly larva. More writers than ever are connecting online.

If you've never been part of a group, it's worth trying. Your fellow writers are a wonderful source of support, and meetings can be a lot of fun. There’s something to be said for digging into the wine and nachos, toasting rejections and encouraging each other's madness.

Coming soon…Part 3: Critique Partners 



Monday, May 14, 2012

Monday News




Haiku Workshop
Join the Magpie Haiku Poets for an introduction to haiku poetry (Haiku 101) on Saturday, June 2nd from 11:30 am to 1 pm  at the Central Library.  Register online at www.calgarypubliclibrary.com or call 403-260-2620.



Photo by Edward Willet

AWCS PRESENTS: GAIL BOWEN, LIVE AT OWL'S NEST BOOKS
Sunday, June 3, 2012 | 7pm | Owl's Nest Books
FREE EVENT

For one night only, Canadian mystery writer, Gail Bowen will be live at Owl’s Nest Books reading from her newest book, Kaleidoscope, released April 2012.
Bring friends and join AWCS and Owl’s Nest Books in welcoming one of Canada’s best-selling mystery writers.

The evening will be followed by a Q & A, wine and refreshments.

~~~

How to Get Your Manuscript Out of the Desk Drawer and Onto the Best Seller List
Instructor: Gail Bowen
June 4 | 10-4:30pm
Registration Fee: $125
Venue: Memorial Park Library, 1221, 2nd St. SW, Calgary

This workshop will teach you how to use the elements of fiction most effectively. We will deal with the following: defining your theme so that it drives your work, creating truly dimensional protagonists and antagonists, using secondary characters effectively, making setting an integral part of your story, establishing plot points and developing sub-plots to support your principal plot line. The workshop will also discuss solutions to challenges that you, as emerging writers, are facing. Most importantly, we'll have fun.

Special thanks to Mystery Writers Ink for helping make these events possible.


Upcoming AWCS Workshops

May 26 - Life Into Story, With Lori Hahnel

June 9 - Writing Fantasy Fiction, with Jeff Campbell

June 9 - Writing for the Horror Market, with Susan Forest


AWCS Prose Critique Group
Feedback can be valuable for writers at every stage. The prose critique group meets every 2nd and 4th Wednesday of the month. Contact Rick Borger raborger@telus.net for more information.

Reality Is Optional Kids' Writing Club (RIO)
Need a place that understands you? Join RIO, a youth led, adult mentored creative writing club with guest speakers, writing games, and more. Come out and play with your words -- all you need is a notebook and pen.
Meetings are held the second and last Monday of every month from September to June, 5:30pm-6:30 at AWCS. Ages 17 and under.
May 14: Balderdash - a game about lying. Get ready to fool your friends.
May 28: Dungeons and Dragons. Bash trolls and fire breathing beetles.

Free Fall Fridays
Every Friday from 10am to noon at the Alexandra Writers Centre Society. For more information, please contact Mary at mary.k@shaw.ca or phone 403.210.2295

For all the info on courses, memberships, online registrations and upcoming events check out the AWCS website www.alexandrawriters.org 

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

What Will Grow

Writer's Corner is pleased to present a poem submitted for our current theme of What Will Grow.


Eternal Child
By Jane Harris-Zsovan 


Hot Sticky Tar
holds her feet to the ground
while
Long Skinny Legs
as  brown
As the hills
as golden
As the Sun Bleached Grass
simply slide
themselves
Out of Dime Store Thongs.
Barefooted Girl
weaving
On a shiny Red Bike
too big for her
Aspiring
to grow into it
Free. Unafraid
of the future
--like any child.
Never to have
Sandpaper hands
stuck in
Dishwater. Toilet Bowls. Or Diapers
--An Eternal Child
Digging coal out of the hills
Gathering rose hips and wild flowers
Hunting frogs in the slough
and
  Dreaming Impossible dreams.

If you have a poem, or a piece of prose (500 words or less) you'd like to share, even if it doesn't fit the theme, we'd love to see it. Send your submission to awcswriterscorner@gmail.com

Monday, May 7, 2012

Monday News!

Happy Monday everyone. Here's what's coming up.


Haiku Workshop
Join the Magpie Haiku Poets for an introduction to haiku poetry (Haiku 101) on Saturday, June 2nd from 11:30 am to 1 pm  at the Central Library.  Register online at www.calgarypubliclibrary.com or call 403-260-2620.



Photo by Edward Willet

AWCS PRESENTS: GAIL BOWEN, LIVE AT OWL'S NEST BOOKS
Sunday, June 3, 2012 | 7pm | Owl's Nest Books
FREE EVENT

For one night only, Canadian mystery writer, Gail Bowen will be live at Owl’s Nest Books reading from her newest book, Kaleidoscope, released April 2012.
Bring friends and join AWCS and Owl’s Nest Books in welcoming one of Canada’s best-selling mystery writers.

The evening will be followed by a Q & A, wine and refreshments.

~~~

How to Get Your Manuscript Out of the Desk Drawer and Onto the Best Seller List
Instructor: Gail Bowen
June 4 | 10-4:30pm
Registration Fee: $125
Venue: Memorial Park Library, 1221, 2nd St. SW, Calgary

This workshop will teach you how to use the elements of fiction most effectively. We will deal with the following: defining your theme so that it drives your work, creating truly dimensional protagonists and antagonists, using secondary characters effectively, making setting an integral part of your story, establishing plot points and developing sub-plots to support your principal plot line. The workshop will also discuss solutions to challenges that you, as emerging writers, are facing. Most importantly, we'll have fun.

Special thanks to Mystery Writers Ink for helping make these events possible.




Upcoming AWCS Workshops


May 26 - Life Into Story, With Lori Hahnel


June 9 - Writing Fantasy Fiction, with Jeff Campbell


June 9 - Writing for the Horror Market, with Susan Forest



AWCS Prose Critique Group
Feedback can be valuable for writers at every stage. The prose critique group meets every 2nd and 4th Wednesday of the month. Contact Rick Borger raborger@telus.net for more information.

Free Fall Fridays
Every Friday from 10am to noon at the Alexandra Writers Centre Society. For more information, please contact Mary at mary.k@shaw.ca or phone 403.210.2295

For all the info on courses, memberships, online registrations and upcoming events check out the AWCS website www.alexandrawriters.org 

Friday, May 4, 2012

Call For Submissions

Theme: What Will Grow

Spring is a time of beginnings, and discovery.  From tender tulips poking through the snow, to a world changing idea blooming in the mind of a child stomping through a mud puddle. Interpret the theme as broadly and abstractly as you wish.

Send us your poetry and prose based on the theme of What Will Grow. 500 words or less. We will post submissions on Writer's Corner as they come in.

Be profound. Be silly. Get weird. Have fun!

Email to awcswriterscorner@gmail.com

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Tuesday Essay

Awakenings by Susan Carpenter



I had a restless sleep last night and it wasn’t due to my conscience, which I’ll have you know, is boringly squeaky clean. Granted, I had some champagne at Barb Howard’s book launch at Cantos plus I enjoyed the brownies, but I don’t see those things keeping me up as I have been known to be a glutton on occasion. Sometimes I find it hard to sleep, frustrated by my passion for writing and the necessity of a day job, not to mention how I don’t have enough time to do as much as I want and I’m certainly not progressing towards my dream of publication of a novel as fast as I should. No, I awoke to three raps on the bedroom door and my dog’s bark at 2am.

My ten-year-old son stood in the dark with his eyes wide apologizing for waking me. He had a nightmare and needed me. Instead of being mad, I was happy. Not for his fear, but for the chance to be the most important thing in his world for a brief time when the world was quiet and we were too.

I crawled into his skinny twin bed and snuggled into his warm side while he haltingly told me about his dream, not able to go into the gory details of a nightmare still too fresh and real. He’s old enough now that I don’t have to tell him that it was just a dream or that mommy is there to protect him. He just needed someone to listen, someone to be there with him so he didn’t have to face the dark alone.

We read some Calvin and Hobbes and then he told me I could go back to bed because he’d be fine. How did my little man become such a big boy? This morning, when I went in to wake my son his light was on, his Calvin and Hobbes lay on the floor and he slept curled up on his side away from the world. He apologized again as I left for work because I might be tired.

I don’t know how I raised such a thoughtful sweet kid, but I’m grateful that occasionally he still needs and appreciates me. I know from the gruff greeting I got from my twelve-year-old son as I woke him that my window of opportunity is shrinking. I can only be the centre of their world and the fixer of all things wrong for a minute moment in time, but I am going to milk it for all it’s worth.

So as I sit here at my day job that affords me money for a home, food and clothes for my kids’ backs, the least of my worries is why I can’t write more. I know my boys will be grown and gone soon enough and I will have lost something I value most - time with them. May they always need me, just a little bit.